This past Monday we lost our 4th son after 16 weeks of pregnancy. His name is Francis Simon. I know this is an extremely personal thing to be posting in so public a forum, but I feel a very strong need to publicly recognize and honor his short life. He is a part of our family now and always will be and I don't want our grief and the pain of our situation to take away from that in any way.
I have always dreaded having a miscarriage. I've heard about friends and acquaintances having them and felt so badly for them - especially those who lost babies later in pregnancy - but I don't think anything can prepare you for when it happens to you. I know that we are not alone in our grief. I know that our situation has been repeated time after time and that many other couples know the feeling of this loss. There is some solace in that - knowing that we're not alone. The outpouring of support and love from our friends and family has also been almost overwhelming in its generosity, but probably the thing that is helping us the most is our faith. We had a friend (who also knows what losing a baby feels like) tell us the other day that our job as parents is to try to get our children to heaven and now we have done that with at least one of them. I believe that. It doesn't take away any of the sadness that I feel that I will never get to see Francis smile, or hear his laugh. I will never know what his first word would have been and I will never know what sort of man he would have grown up to be. But I do think that we have an angel in heaven who will always be looking out for us and that I think, saves us from despair.
I grieve for our loss. Sometimes it is overwhelming when I think of all that we have lost. But I am also thankful for the short time we did have with Francis. For all the pain that I feel, I would not, knowing what the outcome would be, have changed the past few months. Francis Simon, "He who has heard", has gone back to his Father. Sooner than we had hoped.
This is one of the few pictures we have of Francis with my husband.